Missions
Human By Interior Design
Join Boimler and Mariner as they embark on a shopping trip… to save humanity!
Overview
Warp required1
Operations level50
Warp for completion75
Warp via superhighway1
Completion via superhighway75
Costs & rewards
Mission rewards
No captured values for this selection.
Officer XPObjective ID434,548,306
Amount50,000
Objectives
Objective 1
No captured values for this selection.
ObjectiveSteal a ship from the New Calgary system.
DestinationNew Calgary
Objective 2
No captured values for this selection.
ObjectiveTravel to S’Vona, to find the perfect Captain’s chair.
DestinationS'Vona
Objective 3
No captured values for this selection.
ObjectiveFight the Romulans for the Captain’s chair.
EncounterRomulan Gladius
Opponent strength0
DestinationS'Vona
Objective 4
No captured values for this selection.
ObjectiveChoose a frame for the bridge screen.
DestinationS'Vona
Objective 5
No captured values for this selection.
ObjectiveFight the Orions for the bridge screen frame.
EncounterOrion Destroyer
Opponent strength0
DestinationS'Vona
Objective 6
No captured values for this selection.
ObjectiveChase down the Pakleds.
DestinationS'Vona
Objective 7
No captured values for this selection.
ObjectiveConfront Laron back on the Cerritos.
DestinationNew Calgary
Dialogue
Mission dialogue
No captured values for this selection.
- Objective ID
- 1,230,092,256
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- There, we did it. What’s next, Laron, turn on the ignition?
- Objective ID
- 1,230,092,256
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Laron
- Dialogue
- Very funny. No, I am afraid what lies ahead is much more fraught than that. You are to travel to S’Vona.
- Objective ID
- 1,230,092,256
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- S’Vona? My god – no offense, sir. Mariner! That’s the notorious affordable ship improvement shopping system! With only one way in and one way out! And just one set route around the entire sector!
- Objective ID
- 1,230,092,256
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- There’s no doubling back, Mariner! NO DOUBLING BACK!!! If we don’t get it right, we’ll have to start again at the beginning!
- Objective ID
- 1,230,092,256
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Damn you, Laron, what do you have in mind?
- Objective ID
- 1,230,092,256
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Laron
- Dialogue
- Why, I simply wish you to choose the furniture and fittings of a new starship together… without falling out and irreparably damaging your friendship forever!
- Objective ID
- 1,230,092,256
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- It’s humanity's ultimate test!
- Objective ID
- 1,230,092,256
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- You *******!
- Objective ID
- 1,230,092,256
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Laron
- Dialogue
- Hurry, humans. There’s a sale on.
- Objective ID
- 1,230,092,256
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Alright, first thing’s first. We need a Captain’s chair, and those we’ll find in the Doohan section. Setting course for S’Vona. Hold on to your sick bag, Boimler.
- Objective ID
- 153,530,575
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- Wait, where did the Captain’s chair go?
- Objective ID
- 153,530,575
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Looks like it was transported away while we were distracted with the Orions. A Pakled ship made off with it.
- Objective ID
- 153,530,575
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- I. Want. That. Chair!
- Objective ID
- 153,530,575
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Woah, take it easy, Boims. The veins in your temple are throbbing like a fresh bowl of gagh. Pakled ship! We fought for and won that chair fair and square and we want it back.
- Objective ID
- 153,530,575
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Pakled
- Dialogue
- But it comfortable AND demand respect! Plus, you not leave system. It not purchased yet. It not yours until you pay at exit!
- Objective ID
- 153,530,575
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Technically, yes, that’s true, but there’s a code, man. You don’t take from another customer’s trolley. You gotta go find your own.
- Objective ID
- 153,530,575
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Pakled
- Dialogue
- But we find this one! We like this one! We keep this one. Hur hur hur.
- Objective ID
- 153,530,575
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Then I hope your ship moves fast, Pakled, because we’re coming for our chair!
- Objective ID
- 1,574,389,457
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- Aah, what’s happening? Pretty sure I just went to bed. Oh no, I hope I’m not consciously sleepwalking! I’m on early shift tomorrow and it’s itinerary day. ITINERARY DAY!
- Objective ID
- 1,574,389,457
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Boimler? That’s you, right? No one else I know squeaks so loudly about stocktaking. This is weird. I was just snoozing in the mess hall…
- Objective ID
- 1,574,389,457
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- So we were both asleep?
- Objective ID
- 1,574,389,457
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Aw man! Not another dream realm! That’s twice just this last month!
- Objective ID
- 1,574,389,457
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Laron
- Dialogue
- That’s right, mortals, you are indeed in a realm of dreams, a realm of my creation. I am Laron!
- Objective ID
- 1,574,389,457
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- Oh no! It’s a godlike entity, isn’t it? Mariner? He’s going to test us, isn’t he? He’s going to put us on trial and if we don’t win, all of humanity will pay the price! That’s too much pressure! I CAN’T COPE!
- Objective ID
- 1,574,389,457
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Only you could hyperventilate in a dream realm, Boimler. Take an ethereal breath, dude.
- Objective ID
- 1,574,389,457
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Alright, Laron, my panicky friend is right though, yeah? You’re putting humanity on trial and we’re the poor schmos in the dock?
- Objective ID
- 1,574,389,457
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Ugh! Fine. Let’s just get it over with. What have we got to do?
- Objective ID
- 1,574,389,457
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Laron
- Dialogue
- Oh good! Well, puny mortals, your first task is simple. Steal a ship from this sector. Succeed in that, and your real trial will begin. Fail… and you all die! MWAH HA HA H…
- Objective ID
- 1,574,389,457
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Got it. Let’s go, Boimler.
- Objective ID
- 1,755,154,114
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Okay, the secret to surviving these places is to avoid arguments, so just do what I tell you, no questions, and we’ll be fine.
- Objective ID
- 1,755,154,114
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- Wait a minute. I have excellent taste when it comes to starship fittings. I mean, take a look at these Captain’s chairs. Not a single one has plush beige upholstery.
- Objective ID
- 1,755,154,114
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Everyone knows you have a fetish for Enterprise-D chic, Boimler. You think everything on a starship should be soft plush and beige.
- Objective ID
- 1,755,154,114
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- It’s an extremely comforting combination! And it’s a timeless color scheme. We can’t go wrong with it. Also, cream works. And look, over there! I see the perfect chair.
- Objective ID
- 1,755,154,114
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- Feast your eyes, Mariner. Low but comfortable, wide for psychological slouching, nifty armrest insets for whatever tech you want, and it’s ergonomic. You don’t want lumbago in the middle of a red alert.
- Objective ID
- 1,755,154,114
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Romulan
- Dialogue
- That chair belongs to the Romulan Empire, Federation scum!
- Objective ID
- 1,755,154,114
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- What the hell?
- Objective ID
- 1,755,154,114
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- Rival buyers!
- Objective ID
- 1,755,154,114
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- I knew the rumor about delicate Romulan butts was true.
- Objective ID
- 1,755,154,114
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Romulan
- Dialogue
- You shall regret your words, human. Captain, I have your new chair, beam it directly to the hold.
- Objective ID
- 1,755,154,114
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- Hey, you can’t do that.
- Objective ID
- 1,755,154,114
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- You’re right, Boimler. He can’t. Let’s go get that chair! Prepare your soft little butts for a fight, Romulans.
- Objective ID
- 350,388,358
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- Mariner, that was amazing!
- Objective ID
- 350,388,358
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Well, I play a lot of flight simulator games. Alright, where to next?
- Objective ID
- 350,388,358
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- The Iokimiw section. We need the right frame for the giant bridge screen. People have got to look at that thing all day, so it’s got to be just right.
- Objective ID
- 350,388,358
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- More beige, huh?
- Objective ID
- 350,388,358
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- Actually, no. But something that complements it, for sure.
- Objective ID
- 350,388,358
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Look at that, you’re getting an extra itinerary day.
- Objective ID
- 350,388,358
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- I know! It’s great!
- Objective ID
- 350,388,358
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Ugh. Nerd. Alright, setting course for Iokimiw.
- Objective ID
- 434,548,306
- Phase
- dialogue_end
- Character
- Laron
- Dialogue
- You have returned.
- Objective ID
- 434,548,306
- Phase
- dialogue_end
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- That’s right, Laron. With everything you need to deck out the kind of starship people loved three decades ago.
- Objective ID
- 434,548,306
- Phase
- dialogue_end
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- Hey!
- Objective ID
- 434,548,306
- Phase
- dialogue_end
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- And our friendship is as strong as it ever was! Another victory for humanity over godlike entities with judgy complexes.
- Objective ID
- 434,548,306
- Phase
- dialogue_end
- Character
- Laron
- Dialogue
- You have done well, mortals. There is hope for human ki…
- Objective ID
- 434,548,306
- Phase
- dialogue_end
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- I just thought of something. How come you had us fly all the way to S’Vona? Why didn’t you just do the clicky finger thing?
- Objective ID
- 434,548,306
- Phase
- dialogue_end
- Character
- Laron
- Dialogue
- The clicky finger thing is copyrighted by the Q Continuum. The commissions are huge if anyone else uses it. And in perpetuity too. Which in the case of the Q is as literal as it gets.
- Objective ID
- 434,548,306
- Phase
- dialogue_end
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Well I’m just glad this is all over. I hate shopping.
- Objective ID
- 434,548,306
- Phase
- dialogue_end
- Character
- Laron
- Dialogue
- Over for now, perhaps, but… the trial never ends.
- Objective ID
- 434,548,306
- Phase
- dialogue_end
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- Hey, that’s definitely a Q thing!
- Objective ID
- 434,548,306
- Phase
- dialogue_end
- Character
- Laron
- Dialogue
- What? Oh ****! Goodbye forever, puny humans!
- Objective ID
- 434,548,306
- Phase
- dialogue_end
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- It’s a universal fact that no one is more litigious than an immortal. Alright, let’s go get something to eat. For some reason, I’m in the mood for Swedish meatballs.
- Objective ID
- 434,548,306
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- There, we have your frame, your chair, some extra padded waist-height wall cushions for the hallways, sliding door silencers, some very nice carpeting and we haven’t killed each other!
- Objective ID
- 434,548,306
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- I got these too!
- Objective ID
- 434,548,306
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- When the hell did you pick up that sack of Vulcan meditation lamp candles?
- Objective ID
- 434,548,306
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- Just as we were passing by Eogobot.
- Objective ID
- 434,548,306
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- How many are in that thing anyway?
- Objective ID
- 434,548,306
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- Five thousand.
- Objective ID
- 434,548,306
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Damn it, Boimler, where do we have the space for those?
- Objective ID
- 434,548,306
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- We can hand them out as gifts!
- Objective ID
- 434,548,306
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Ugh. Let’s get back to the Cerritos and shove them all in Laron’s celestial face.
- Objective ID
- 592,551,223
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Dammit, Boimler, what’s wrong with this frame? This is the twelfth one we’ve looked at!
- Objective ID
- 592,551,223
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- Look, it’s not just about how it looks on the bridge, okay? You got to think of the design's possible use as an avatar frame for some game about Starfleet. And as for what’s wrong with this one…
- Objective ID
- 592,551,223
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- A perfect rectangle, Mariner? Really? Just four cold, hard lines? Have some decency! Have some feeling for your fellow crew mates!
- Objective ID
- 592,551,223
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- One of my crew mates is about to feel something…
- Objective ID
- 592,551,223
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- Hey! Remember, we have to keep it together or Laron will wipe out the entire human race!
- Objective ID
- 592,551,223
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- We don’t get on anyway.
- Objective ID
- 592,551,223
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- Mariner!
- Objective ID
- 592,551,223
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Alright, alright. Just pick one already.
- Objective ID
- 592,551,223
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Boimler
- Dialogue
- This one. A wide screen with a slight upwards taper, gently curved corners and a textured, just off-beige leather border.
- Objective ID
- 592,551,223
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Orion
- Dialogue
- Exactly how the Orion Syndicate likes them! Beam it aboard!
- Objective ID
- 592,551,223
- Phase
- dialogue_start
- Character
- Mariner
- Dialogue
- Ugh. Here we go again. Let’s go blow them out of the sky for your dumb frame.